Hold Your Head High Heavy Heart
by Forever Young Mezmeric
Summary: Sometimes you find comfort from the last person you want it from. Kyro
1. Chapter 1

**Hold Your Head High Heavy Heart (Title will probably change)**

**Sometimes you find comfort from the last person you want it from.**

**I own nothing**

**Set after X3**

**AN: It's an overused fanfic plot with my own twist and turns.**

"Kitty, it's been three weeks," Ororo stood by the door of the dark room. The once joyful and optimistic Kitty Pryde lies on her bed curled up into a ball. Her expression empty and eyes red from constant crying spells. "It's time to go on with your daily life."

'That's how I coped with my losses,' she thought. Ororo felt slightly responsible for Kitty's depression. It wasn't her fault; she was just the one who had to deliver the news.

_Flashback_

_A sunny day at the school and it put Ororo in a great mood. Or maybe it was sunny because she was in a great mood, who knows? She let the students have the day off and most of them were outside enjoying the weather. She however was stuck in her office grading papers but with the window open. She hummed as she marked each page with red ink. When she was half way done with her first stack the phone began to ring._

"_Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, Ororo speaking," She answered._

"_Miss Munroe," A sad voice said from over the phone. "I'm Katherine Pryde's mother."_

_She explained everything to Storm. How Kitty's dad worked as a doctor for the military and was sent to Alcatraz when Magneto attacked and like many other soldiers and people on that island, had died._

"_We found the body, unlike most of the dead soldiers, he died of bad burns," The crying mother said._

"_I'm so sorry," Ororo felt tears start to form, "We'll pay for a plane ticket for Kitty to fly back to Deerfield." The crying on the other end suddenly ceased._

"_No, the damned child deserves to know what happened but I don't want to see nor talk to her," There was a strong anger in her voice, an anger against mutant Ororo was used to yet tired of hearing. "This is all her fault, all your damned kinds fault!" With that was a sound of the phone hitting a receiver and then a dial tone. _

_When Ororo told Kitty she knew she would never forget the look on the poor girls face. Pure horror, she didn't know if it came from the fact her father was dead or the fact her mother didn't want her. As the tears began to fall and the heart broken mutant ran off Storm vowed to help her through this._

_Flashback end_

Now she stands at the young girl's door trying to do what she promised herself to do but like when she tried every other day, failed to cheer her up even the slightest bit. It's tough on her to see one of her favorite students who she thinks of as a daughter so broken.

"Kitty?" She waits for a response and when she doesn't receive one she leaves, slowly closing the door behind her.

**John's POV**

God this house arrest bracelet itches!

Here I am sitting on a couch eating potato chips back at the X-Mansion. I guess it's not too bad here at least I still have my powers and I'm not rotting away in jail. Kinda sucks though nobody here will talk to me not even my old pal Bobby. The teachers pretend to be nice to me except for Logan but he's not nice to anyone. Just one year, one year and then I'm free.

Ugh this thing itches so badly! I use the remote control to scratch underneath it, just then Miss Munroe walks in.

"You're not trying to escape are you John?" I can't tell if she's making a joke or being serious. John, that's a name I gotta get used to hearing again. I'm so used to Magneto calling me Pyro. Now that I think about it he called me boy a lot, wow I guess I really was his bitch.

"Nope," I finally respond. Awkward silence fills the room, "How come I haven't seen Kitty at all since I've been here did she go back home or something?" Miss Munroe is probably the only teacher here that knew me and Kitten had a… a thing. She caught Kitten sneaking into my room one night. It's not like we never did anything. Sure I insisted we did but she always said no and I did my best to respect that.

"No she's here," There's something uneasy about her voice.

"So what she never comes out of her room?" I ask. That's not like Kitten at all.

"It's a personal matter John," What is she on her period or something? "Maybe you should go talk to her and try to cheer her up." Cheer her up? What's wrong with her?

"Okay," I get up from the couch and grab the bag of potato chips.

**Kitty's POV**

Tears, body aches, and emptiness, so this is what depression is? Now I know why Mr. Summers never left his room after Dr. Grey died. I had my first taste of depression when the professor died but at least then I left my room and socialized with my friends. It's not like I don't want to be with my friends it's just I don't have the energy and I just don't feel well. I guess it's true you can make yourself physically sick by being depressed.

Storm finally left? I didn't even notice. She's trying to help me; I know she blames herself because she's the one who told me the news. But if she really cares then she wouldn't let that goddamn murderer back here!

Damn I'm crying again! I'm so sick of crying!

That murderer is… was a guy I used to love. Because of him my dad is dead and my mom doesn't want me.

A wave of light enters my room, someone must have opened the door. Maybe Bobby or Rogue bringing me food or Mr. McCoy coming to ask me if I've taken my anti depressants.

"Hey Kitten," That voice… "Can you phase this house arrest bracelet off me?" I jerk my body towards the door and there stands John Allerdyce, the murderer.

**AN: Yeah I know depressed Kitty is no fun but don't worry she'll be back to her old self that is if you want me to continue this. So please review if you want me to continue this. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

**John's POV**

"Hey Kitten, can you phase this house arrest bracelet off of me?" So according to Stormy she's been in a pissy mood, so I try to lighten the mood. Her body jerks around towards me. Her eyes are filled with tears. She looks so sad and lost. That sad look quickly shifts to an angry, piercing glare. So it's obviously more than a PMSing problem. Kitten's usually so bubbly and I know I used to hate it but I'd much rather see bubbly Kitty than… well whatever this is. She looks as if she's been to hell and back. What could have done this to her? I've seen her cry before but she's never looked this defeated.

"Get out," Her voice is as cold and sharp as her glare, "Get the fuck out!"

Ok reality check, did Kitty Pryde just cuss at me? I stare in disbelief.

"What's your problem?" I snort letting my bad boy side get the best of me. The anger in her eyes turns to sadness and she buries her head in her pillow moments later she starts to sob. Ok major mood swing. Maybe she really is on her period… maybe it's not good time for a joke though.

"Please," She begs between sobs, "Just leave." A part of me wants to ask her what the hell her problem is and another part of me wants to comfort her. I do neither though; I walk out the door and slowly close it, staring at the girl I used to love, who's obviously not the same girl.

My heart races, I'm still trying to figure out what happened.

"Nice going," A familiar voice says from behind me.

"Bobby, what the hell's wrong with her?" I ask, hoping my old friend will give me some information.

"She's been like this for a few weeks now. She never leaves her room. She cries until she makes herself sick and then she cries again," Where's Bobby getting at with this? For once I don't make a smart ass comment and I just listen, "She's barely eaten or slept all she does is lay there. If she had the energy she probably would have phased your heart out right there." Bobby's expression is almost as cold as hers. Did I do something I'm not aware of?

"Is she mad because I left her or something?" I'm so confused right now.

"No Pyro she's not mad at you because of that," Damn I was just getting used to being called John, "I think she was relieved because of that." Ouch that hurt.

"Then what's her problem?" I ask again.

"Her problem is her dad died on Alcatraz the night we fought you."

"Oh yeah, the night I kicked your ass," I snicker. No joking around right now John, the girl you loved is in there sobbing and apparently it's your fault. Am I talking… wait thinking in third person? Focus! "So it's my fault? There were plenty of mutants there that could have done it. Most people died from Miss Grey's psycho super powered split personality going on a killing spree."

"He died from being burned to death," Shit, I really did kill Kitty's father. Man, no wonder why she's pissed. "Don't have a smart ass reply Pyro." I really killed her dad…

"Why's she here. Shouldn't she be with her family?" She was always very close to her family.

"They blame mutants for her dad's death and don't want anything to do with her," Bobby says. And her parents were the few that actually accepted the fact their child's a mutie.

"Wow," That's all I can say. I've never regretted anything in my life but now… Now I regret going off and being Magneto's bitch. I can't fucking believe I killed her dad! I didn't realize Bobby had walked away. I turn back around and look at the door, I have to find a way to cheer her up. I caused this problem.

**Kitty's POV**

I'm sweating from anger, I'm crying from sadness. I don't know which one I am right now. He, the murderer, stood there so clueless I almost started to feel a little bad for him. Maybe that's a good sign maybe I'm going back to my old self. Everyone, even kids I don't know, comes in here and tries to cheer me up. It's not like I don't want to be happy I just can't! They have no idea; I had no idea what this… this illness was before this.

There are times I'm sad and cry and end up forgetting why I'm sad and why I'm crying. Half the time the fact my dad died doesn't even cross my mind. At some times I feel almost emotionless and other times I'm as angry as hell. I'm tired and weak all the time but I can't fall asleep. Crying all the time has upset my stomach which seems permanently. My body aches from toe to head. My headaches are worse than when I first got my powers. I must sound like an old lady complaining and I know people just want to help but they don't understand, they have no idea.

I want things to go back to normal, but how can they with him here? God to think I ever loved him, he's a cold blood killer! He was so clueless though, he obviously doesn't know what he did but… why am I making an excuse for him?

The door opens again, three visitors in one day a new record! It better not be him I've finally calmed myself down and I'm so sick of crying!

"Kitty," It's Storm again, I don't bother turning around to look at her. "Kitty I talked to the other teachers and we agreed that we can't keep excusing you from your classes. You have a duty as a student and a member of the team and I've given you enough coping time." Enough coping time? Mr. Summers had three months until they started telling him it was time to 'fulfill his responsibility as a teacher and team leader' What makes him so special? "I want you in class tomorrow morning."

"He's not in any of my classes, is he?" I think that's the first thing I've said to Storm after she told me the news despite the fact she checked up on me every day.

"Who, John?" I cringe at his name. I can't even get myself to think about the name for two reasons. One obviously being because of Pyro and the other being it's my dad's name. I don't respond hoping she'd get the hint. "Oh, I'm not sure."

"Please Storm," No crying, no crying keep it together, "Please make sure he's not in any of my classes." Dammit I'm crying!

"Sure thing Kitty," She says. I have nothing else to say and neither does she. I hear the door close and I'm alone again. Alone and crying.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

My eyes swing open and I stand in the middle of Alcatraz. There's no one in sight. Did the team forget about me? Did they leave me behind? I begin to look around but the smoke from all the flaming cars and debris overwhelms me and sends me into a coughing fit. My eyes burn but I force them open and continue looking. I'm not really sure what I'm looking for. The island is a disaster. Besides the multiple fires the research facility is destroyed and anything that was standing now lies on the ground, burning. I hear a cough from behind me. I turn around and see something I didn't see before, a man's body lying in the middle of the ground. Cautiously, I step closer to the man and then recognize him.

"Dad," I choke out, tears filling my eyes. The man coughs again. "Daddy?" I cry out like a little girl running over to him.

"Katherine," He looks up at me weakly. His face is badly burned, I try not to look away. "Sweetie I…" His body bursts into flames before he can finish.

"Daddy," I cry, I sense a presence behind me and I jerk around. "You!" It's Pyro. He just stands there and laughs.

"Miss me Kitten?"

The next thing I know I jump up and gasp for breath and I'm in my bed. A dream? No, a horrible nightmare. It wasn't real get a hold of yourself Kitty. Why is my door open? Was someone in here? I jump out of bed and run out the door and right into someone knocking us both down and him right on top of me.

"Owe," I don't even have to look at who it is to know. It's him.

"What the hell were you doing in my room?!" I shout pushing him off me. I can't believe this, is he trying to kill me now or something?

"I… I heard you scream," His voice is so soft, innocent, caring and nothing like a murderer's.

"Wanna know why I screamed? Because of you Pyro! You're the reason why I haven't left my room in two weeks! You're the fucking reason why I've been depressed! You killed my father, Pyro!" I scream.

"The name's John," Is that seriously all he can say.

"Really, that's such a normal name. The name of a normal man you murdered! Pyro suites you better, sounds like the murderer you are. You deserve to be rotting in jail you bastard!" I'm getting a bit of an adrenaline rush, letting my anger out feels so good but then I look at Pyro's face. The once wise cracking, smart ass doesn't have a single thing to say to me. He just holds his head down, not making any eye contact.

Now I realize what I have done, multiple people have come out of their rooms and are staring at me including a few teachers. Now the anger is turning into embarrassment. Pyro walks away still holding his head down. In guilt? Yeah right, Pyro feeling guilty, regretting something.

I turn around and go back into my room, slam the door shut and lay back down on my bed and start crying. I've gone from being extremely pissed to upset in moments. Does this come with the depression? There's a knock on my door and then it flies open, why knock when you're just gonna come in anyways? It's Storm, she cautiously makes her way towards me, probably afraid I'm going to like attack her or something. I don't blame her. She sits down on the edge of my bed.

"Are you okay Kitty?" That's her way of asking me if I'm sane now or still like how I was out there.

"Yeah fine," I try to stop crying but can't myself to.

"Do you need a few more days?" I can tell she feels guilty for telling me I need to go back to class tomorrow. Or maybe she thinks I'm too insane to be around the other students? Either way she's just being caring.

"No," I finally get myself to stop crying, "No, I'll be in class in the morning."

"Are you sure?" I nod. For some reason I feel a lot better now and maybe going back to my old schedule will help me feel even better.

"I'm sorry for waking you up," I apologize, truly embarrassed.

"It's okay," She sounds like she means it. "Kitty if you need someone to talk to you know I'm here."

"I know," I sniff. Storm has tried so hard to help me the past few weeks. Heck, she's always been a motherly like figure to me. So I hug her, because she's the only one I have left now.

**AN: I typed this chapter up quickly not originally wanting to make the mother-daughter like relationship between Kitty and Storm a main theme but I decided it works and its cute so I'm making it flow. **

**Next chapter: **Maybe you'll see Kitty and John have a civil conversation, or maybe not.


End file.
